


Flowers Bloom Until They Rot

by kanethecryptid



Category: Hatoful Kareshi | Hatoful Boyfriend
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Assisted Suicide, Attempted Murder, F/M, Implied/Referenced Abuse, M/M, Multi, Suicide Attempt, Trans Female Character, Trans Male Character, Trans Woman Nanaki
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-04
Updated: 2020-02-04
Packaged: 2020-11-23 21:04:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,855
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20896094
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kanethecryptid/pseuds/kanethecryptid
Summary: She thinks he tried to kill her but she doesn't want to believe it.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> time to rewrite my shit fanfic from 2 years ago

She couldn’t breathe. Or see. She only heard the ringing in her ears and felt the constricting of her lungs.

She thinks he tried to kill her but she doesn't want to believe it.

_ Let’s die together, _was the last thing he needed him to say before she swallowed the pill, assuming he would follow. But as her vision began to fade, she heard him laugh. And laugh. And laugh.

Then footsteps leading out the door. Then silence.

She had always idolized death, craved it. She thought, maybe, that it would be merciful and quick. A way out of her suffering. But now, as she coughed and choked and screamed with the last of her breath, she felt fear. And pain. So, so, so, so, so much pain.

She didn’t want to die.

Maybe it was adrenaline, maybe she had died and become a ghost. But she felt her nails against the wooden floor, clawing her forward towards the sound of passing cars. Her hand moved up, feeling at what she thought was the door. She reached up. Higher. Took hold of the knob. Turned it. Fell down.

_ Oh my god, _ was the only thing she heard before fading out of existence.

* * *

A bright light. A low beeping sound. She jumped up, and everything began to spin. She looked down at a hospital gown, to the left at an IV, and to the door as someone stepped in. 

A man. He had long brown hair, half of it tied back with a violet ribbon that matched the color of his red framed eyes. His white lab coat and clipboard proved that she was very much alive. Unless, he was just holding the application for Hell and demons conveniently dressed like human doctors. He gave her a blank stare before looking back at the paper. He wrote something down. Looked back up. Attempted then failed to smile.

“Kazuaki Nanaki.” She flinched.

“Just Kazu.” She said, her voice a hoarse whisper.

He stared. Wrote something else down. Looked back up. “You’re lucky my partner found you. A minute longer and you’d be dead.” His voice lacked any emotion, as if he was already bored of the conversation. She wasn’t the only one; it hadn’t been five minutes and he’d already deadnamed her.

“T-that was actually the plan originally.” As soon as it came out, she wished the poison had worked.

He looked at her, surprise flashing in his eyes for a fraction of a second. “I apologize,” was all he said before checking her vitals.

“Doctor…,” she searched him for identification. Nothing.

“Isa.”

“How long has it been?”

“One week, three days, and seven hours. Normal for a near death experience.” A week? She felt her stomach twist. A week and _ he _ was still probably roaming the streets as if nothing happened. Part of her wondered if they caught him. The other was too afraid to find out. But she needed to know.

“Doctor Isa, did your partner see anyone coming out? Of where they found me, I mean.”

He cleared his throat. “He didn’t mention anyone, why?”

“I-It’s nothing. Nevermind.” Of course they would rule it a suicide attempt. That's what _ he _ wanted. He knew. Planned it from the beginning. 

She felt the urge to vomit.

“Ms. Nanaki,” he looks down, “we were planning to admit you tomorrow morning, but on your record it states you have no place of residence.” He wasn’t wrong. _ He _ was the only reason she wasn’t on the street.

She didn't reply.

“I wouldn’t usually say this but—”

The door opened and slammed against the wall.

“Is she awake?” A man she didn’t recognize stepped in, his chest rising and falling as if he had run a marathon. Another doctor? He was wearing civilian clothing.

Dr Isa sighed. Rolled his eyes. “She’s fine.”

The man stared at her as he approached her bedside. His eyes were the first thing she noticed; a beautiful gold that contrasted his long blonde hair. He looked concerned, but still smiled at her. “I’m so glad you’re alright. When I found you I assumed the worst.” He sat himself on the side of her bed and put his hand on hers. She tried to hide her discomfort. Did he have any concept of personal space?

“Tohri.” Dr Isa glared at the man (who she now knew as Tohri)’s direction.

Tohri sat back up. “Sorry.” He ran a hand through his hair. Composed himself. Cleared his throat. “Tohri Nishikikouji. I was the one who found you when you were, uh…”

She immediately recognized his voice. At the time, she thought the voice to be some form of angel, but now it made sense.

Dr Isa said his partner found her. She looked back and forth between them. Oh. 

“Thank you,” was all she could think to say.

Dr Isa stepped between them. “Now if you’ll excuse me—”

“Wait! Did you tell her?” Tell her what?

“I was going to. You interrupted.” Dr Isa responded. 

“What are you talking about?” Kazu said, confused.

Tohri turned to her. “I know we just met but,” a pause, “you just had a near death experience and we’re concerned you won't be able to find somewhere to stay.” Oh.

“What he's trying to say is that we want you to stay with us. For some time, at least.”

Stay with them. Strangers. 

Strangers that saved her life.

She didn't know where else she would go. She had no family left—they’d disowned her years ago. The only place was a shelter and she knew from experience that they weren’t particularly fond of trans people. Trans women especially.

And_ him_. He was probably already looking for her. To finish what he started. She needed somewhere safe. And they were her only option.

“Ok. I'll stay with you.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im finally updating this after 30 years

Kazu sighed as she clicked through the various tabs on the laptop Tohri had lent her. She’d dropped out of college a few years ago and hadn't found herself to be mentally or financially stable to enroll again. Until now. It was a big change for her, but she wanted to do something with her life. And a degree in teaching seemed like the best option.

Part of her wanted to go through with it, but she was terrified. After the _ incident_, she avoided going outside at any cost. It was an unnecessary fear, she knew, but she couldn't bear the possibility of seeing _ him _in public. What would she even say? The only reason she planned to go out today was because someone else was going with her. 

Kazu had been staying with Tohri and Isa for a month. They insisted she use their guest room, and even offered to buy her new clothes. Kazu was apprehensive to let them spend any money on her, but she was left without a choice in the end. Tohri’s clothes, as stylish as they were, didn't quite fit her frame, and the only outfit she did have was beginning to fall apart. It was in her nature to feel guilty for even breathing, so she'd done every possible thing she could to make up for it. It wasn't as if making dinner or cleaning for them bothered her; it made her feel somewhat needed. Like, if she died, they would be sad rather than forget her name the next day.

Kazu tried to ignore the thought of _ him, _ but every waking moment was a constant reminder of why she was here, alive, rather than in the ground. Did that make her a survivor? From what she could tell, a survivor had strength and resilience; none of which she attributed to herself. Would a resilient person go along with a suicide pact? Would a strong person willingly believe in the words of a man she only knew for three months? Part of her wished she _ was _dead. She was so weak and so stupid to believe any of her pain would go away now that she was safe.

She couldn't help the tears that rolled down her cheeks. And as if it couldn't get any worse, there was a knock on the bedroom door. Kazu had almost forgotten. She closed the laptop, not bothering to finish her application, and rubbed her wrist over her eyes.

“Come in,” she said just loud enough before throwing on an old sweatshirt Tohri had found in the depths of his closet for her.

Tohri, the only one of them with the decency to knock, entered, lips forming into a smile. Then a frown. “What's wrong sweetheart?”

“Is it that obvious?” Kazu asked as she wiped the tears from her eyes, only knowing she'd make the redness worse.

“I've had my share of mental breakdowns to know the post-cry look. I just happen to be great at covering it up.”

Kazu tried to chuckle, but it was more of a sad breath than anything else. “Just having a lot of intrusive thoughts about everything.”

“I’m sorry, darling. Is there anything I can do to help? It kills me to see that pretty face of yours so upset.”

“It's not really something that can be fixed. Are we leaving now?”

“If you're ready, then yes. But if you can't, we can just go some other time,” Tohri looked at her with that pity she always hated but understood. Kazu _ was _ pitiful, and she would probably act the same given the circumstances.

“No, I'll be ok. It's just…,” _ I’m afraid that he’ll find me if I ever lay a foot outside. _

“You don't have to explain. I get it,” Tohri said, reaching into the pocket of his blazer and pulling out a kerchief. “Here.”

Kazu took it and thanked him, pressing the cloth to her eyes.

“Better?” he asked.

She nodded.

Tohri extended a gloved hand to her, white teeth flashing. “Then let’s go find some cute clothes for you to try on.”

* * *

“I don't know about this,” Kazu pulled at the bright pink sweater Tohri picked out for her. This definitely wasn't what she was used to wearing.

“It looks great! Try this on with it,” Tohri said as he pushed a short black skirt into her hands. He was way more excited about this than she was.

“It's just…,” she sighed, not wanting to hurt his feelings, “I’m not very used to dressing this femininely.”

“Oh,” his eyes widened as a blush formed on his cheeks. “Do you want me to pick something else?”

“I mean, I do like the style. I just don't think I'll be able to pull it off that well,” Kazu admitted.

“Nonsense! You're stunning!”

Now it was her time to blush. She looked in the mirror. “You think so?” Maybe she would go out of her comfort zone for a change.

“Of course, sweetheart. If it's more comfortable, I saw a few longer skirts that would look just as good.”

Kazu just nodded. Tohri practically flew out of her dressing room in excitement.

The short skirt was cute, but it wasn't for her. She feared showing off her legs too much; it just reminded her of how tall she was.

Tohri knocked on the door before entering in with a four skirts from knee to ankle length. He was already outside before she could thank him.

Kazu adjusted the long white floral skirt on her waist. It flowed around her legs while still clinging to her frame enough that it didn’t make her dysphoric. It was perfect. She then changed the garish sweater for a muted pink off-the-shoulder top.

Kazu opened the dressing room door, trying her best to gather any confidence. “How do I look?”

Tohri was, for once, completely silent. Was he blushing? His golden eyes looked up and down her body for a few seconds before he spoke.

“Kazu, you... wow,” he said. She couldn't have looked that different, right?

He cleared his throat. “Sorry. You just look _ really _ good.”

She smiled, completely flustered and unable to take the compliment. “Thanks,” 

Kazu decided to get three of the long skirts with different patterns along with the top and a few others that weren't too stylish, but looked nice on her. Kazu also tried on unmentionables, as well as some casual apparel by herself. She nervously handed the items to Tohri, knowing she had no money, but still feeling bad that he was paying for them.

“Are you hungry?” Tohri asked as they left the store.

Kazu was, but she didn't want to be even more of a burden. “I'm fine, unless you want to.”

“We can just get something to go, if that's ok.”

Kazu nodded. The less time they were outside, the better.

* * *

As they stepped into the apartment, Tohri broke the silence. They hadn't really said more than a few words to each other on the way back. She felt Tohri’s gaze on her but he hadn't said anything, presumably not wanting to bother her. Kazu didn't mind; she was too busy with her own thoughts for an extended conversation. 

“Isa won't be home until later. Do you want to watch a movie or something?” he asked.

Kazu didn't expect the offer. For the past few weeks she’d spent time in her room or did menial chores when the two men weren't home. Tohri, or Isa for that matter, had never really asked her to do anything else. Maybe it was that she didn't know them that well, or that they wanted to give her space after her trauma. But, Kazu hadn't planned to do anything else. She could just finish her application tomorrow.

“Sure,” Kazu responded as she sat next to him in front of the television, making sure to leave as much space as she could between them.

Tohri let her choose the movie. Kazu picked a cheesy romantic comedy that she wasn't really interested in, but she didn't want to weird him out with what she actually liked. Slasher movies were her guilty pleasure, but she doubted Tohri wanted to know that.

Fifteen minutes through the movie, Kazu stopped paying attention. Halfway, she was ready to fall asleep until Tohri spoke.

“Thanks for coming with me,” he said.

“Shouldn't I be thanking you?”

“Clothes are a necessity. Fashionable clothes, more so. And you happen to look very good in said fashionable clothes. So, no. Thank you.”

“You flatter me,” Kazu mumbled, avoiding his eyes.

“Well, I’m trying. If that's alright with you.” 

So he was flirting with her. But weren't he and Isa together? She was pretty sure they slept in the same bed. They never displayed any physical affection for each other in front of her, but from their banter alone it was obvious they were in a relationship.

Kazu didn't know how to respond.

“I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that,” Tohri looked more embarrassed than she was.

“No, it's ok. I appreciate it. But you and Isa are-”

“We’re polyamorous,” he said. “He's alright with me flirting. But I want to make sure that _ you're _ alright with it.”

“Oh.”

“I don't want to overstep any boundaries. I know you've only been here for a month and I don't know exactly everything about your situation, but I'd like to know more if you'd let me. More about you as well,” Tohri offered his hand to her.

Kazu took it and smiled to herself. His hand was warm and soft against hers. She'd never really experienced this level of comfort before. She was just realizing how effortlessly kind he was to her in the time she'd known him. He had gone out of his way to make sure she was alright and helped her get back on her feet. 

Kazu also hadn't realized that for the past two weeks, he had offhandedly complimented her appearance. She was convinced it was a part of flamboyant personality, but it was obvious now that he saw it as something more. It wasn't as if she had much to go off of; she'd only been in one semi-stable relationship in her life, and it ended with her nearly dying.

“I think I'd like that,” she said. Kazu wasn't sure if she was ready for anything close to a romantic relationship, but she couldn't deny how genuinely sweet he was to her. Even now she felt a sort of giddiness holding his hand, as if she were a schoolgirl.

But the thoughts prevailed in the back of her mind. Was it because she had never been shown affection that she was so ready to confuse it for love? Was she even capable of loving someone after what happened? Did she just feel this way because he was the first to show up after _ him _?

Sure, she felt indebted to both of them. But it could be more than that. She yearned for stability and love and that was how she felt. She wanted to know Tohri better. Maybe even Isa.

“You said you wanted to know more about what happened right? Well, I…,” Kazu took a deep breath, knowing it was useless to keep it from him any longer. “It wasn't a suicide attempt.”


End file.
